U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Randomize
