Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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