guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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