oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
His nipple licking is glorious
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