i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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