I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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