I showed him my bush... on skype.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
