Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
