Texts From Last Night

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  (760): View more from California

  i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.

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  (760): i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel. http://tfl.nu/n5cq
  Replies (177) Good night (5123) Bad night (4964)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.

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  (503): I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any. http://tfl.nu/5jsz
  Replies (1) Good night (585) Bad night (2194)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.

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  (303): you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it. http://tfl.nu/a3f5
  Replies (9) Good night (729) Bad night (4241)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.

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  (586): May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner. http://tfl.nu/u3lx
  Replies (18) Good night (836) Bad night (5509)
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other

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  (506): All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other http://tfl.nu/mktv
  Replies (13) Good night (5297) Bad night (894)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff

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  (303): I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff http://tfl.nu/0hbk
  Replies (2) Good night (2846) Bad night (796)
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  (417): View more from Missouri

  I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.

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  (417): I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor. http://tfl.nu/qpor
  Replies (8) Good night (939) Bad night (1980)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment

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  (302): I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment http://tfl.nu/03jc
  Replies (9) Good night (1281) Bad night (629)
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  (714): View more from California

  I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again

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  (714): I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again http://tfl.nu/ze4i
  Replies (5) Good night (551) Bad night (1763)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.

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  (218): I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara. http://tfl.nu/7g4h
  Replies (0) Good night (349) Bad night (598)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.

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  (301): by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can. http://tfl.nu/1yox
  Replies (4) Good night (602) Bad night (346)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes

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  (210): hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes http://tfl.nu/7n4w
  Replies (3) Good night (383) Bad night (334)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.

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  (778): Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed. http://tfl.nu/26ft
  Replies (0) Good night (230) Bad night (314)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns

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  (905): If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns http://tfl.nu/dd5q
  Replies (2) Good night (434) Bad night (257)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.

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  (907): I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams. http://tfl.nu/1yko
  Replies (2) Good night (533) Bad night (216)

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