i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.