At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.