dude i'm inner monologue high
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will pee on everything he values.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
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