Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?