I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize