erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
