Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
