Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
