So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
too bad you live with your parents still
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
