oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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