11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
