Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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