I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
