I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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