i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
