YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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