Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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