And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
