so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
