What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
