Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
