Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
