i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
