And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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