I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
is it fun? or sober?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
