wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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