Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I intend to get homeless drunk
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Randomize
