life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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