it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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