I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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