i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
