I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Hippo gnu deer
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
