Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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