No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
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