i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
