my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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