**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize