I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
