Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize