Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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