I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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