man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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