Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
