I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
