So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Still dying that you shit outside
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just had sex on a roof
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
