3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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