we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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