Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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