At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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