Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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