I think scott just propositioned me for sex
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
