He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
