I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
