I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
