I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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