I will die if light touches me.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
