so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
