Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize