Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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