So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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