Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
