Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
