So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
