It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
