Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
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