You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
