worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My pussy is not your playground.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
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my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
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His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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